Managing Your Wellbeing During the Holidays
By Audra Potter and Stephanie Card
Merry Christmas, Readers. We hope that you are somewhere safe and warm and at peace with your life. December 25th marks the culmination of the holiday season that is most of the month of December. For some of us, this is a time of excitement, joy, and anticipation of time spent with family and friends at holiday get togethers and parties, eating delicious food and sipping on holiday-themed beverages. Many of us also look forward to some time off from work to relax at home, sleep-in, catch up on our favorite shows, or work on a favorite hobby or pastime.
For others, the Christmas holiday season, can be a hard time. The focus on time spent with family can be challenging for those with difficult family relationships, and the anticipation of expected family obligations over the holidays can bring about anxiety, rather than excitement. Christmas time can also be a reminder of loss for those of us experiencing our first Christmas without a loved one, or another Christmas without a loved one. With all of these challenges in the context of a spirited and busy environment which places perceived pressure on everyone to be cheerful and happy, managing our expectations and the pressures felt can feel overwhelming.
Throughout our time as social workers in the mental health field, we, at Broken Gold, have come across a few effective and creative ways to help navigate potential challenges that might come along with the holiday season. Some of these are from our own previous clients and some of them are based on skills and strategies from various therapies, and we wanted to share them with you.
Keep active and stick to a regular routine: Try to keep to a regular sleep schedule, and basic routine with hygiene and regular meals. Regular routines help to keep us grounded when other things around us might be unpredictable. Also, regular exercise can do wonders with helping us manage stress and better emotion regulation. Even just a 15-20-minute walk every day is enough.
Maintain healthy nutrition and manage substance use: Holiday food can be amazing. Who doesn’t love all the extra goodies and special foods that only come around during the holidays? Our personal favorites are homemade baileys, sugar cookies, and homemade stuffing. Many holiday events center around food and drink, making it easy to over-indulge. Heavy food and alcoholic beverages can make us feel sluggish and tired, and when we feel sluggish and tired, this negatively impacts our mood. Additionally, alcohol lowers our resistance to emotion mind. Of course, it’s okay to enjoy some holiday food and alcoholic beverages but setting limits and knowing how these affect you is important to maintaining well-being over the holiday season.
When you have an expected family obligation that is making you anxious: Cope ahead of time by thinking about the specific situation that is causing you distress. Maybe it is dealing with a certain family member, or perhaps it is having to navigate uncomfortable questions that you are nervous about being asked. Whatever the situation, write it out and then also identify the emotions that you are worried about dealing with in the moment. Next ask yourself, “What is the threat and/or catastrophe that I am most afraid of in this situation?” Then write down all the skills/strategies that you would use to manage your distress in those situations. For example, deep breathing, half-smiling, repeating a mantra to yourself, such as, “This is just one moment and it will pass” or managing difficult questions with a preset answer, such as "I appreciate your concern for my well-being, and I am managing being single/unemployed/child-free/sober etc. very well.” Then rehearse using these skills effectively over and over. The more you rehearse the easier it will be to use these skills when you need them.
When you have an event/activity coming up that you know will be challenging: Make sure to get lots of rest in the days prior to the event. Sleep helps us to better manage our emotions and when we are well-rested, we can better cope with stressful situations.
If you find yourself suddenly struggling to manage challenging emotions when you are at a family event/social gathering: Remember, it is okay to excuse yourself and step outside or take a time-out in the bathroom to give yourself a quiet space to help you better regulate your emotions.
Cold water works wonders: If you are struggling regulating a challenging emotion, cold water works wonders. You can splash cold water on your face, wet a cloth with cold water and place it on the back of your neck. Grab an ice cube and run it over your neck, cheeks, forehead, etc. Also, snow works if you cannot get to ice or cold water. Get creative. One client shared that they used some water from a water bottle that had been sitting in their cold car and poured a little bit down their back and that worked!
Opposite action to urges that you know will be ineffective: If you find yourself wanting to lash out or argue with a certain family member or friend, try gently avoiding them, or even being a bit kind. If you know that being alone means you are more likely to turn to alcohol or substances to cope over the holidays, plan activities that will keep you busy outside of the house: visit friends, volunteer, take a day trip, see a movie, take a daily walk, visit church or another publicly offered gathering/event. There are a lot of fun activities in the city every December. We like this site for ideas: December in Calgary | Tourism Calgary
Practice relaxation after difficult situations: When you get home from that stressful family dinner or office party, take some time to do something self-soothing and relaxing for yourself. Take a warm bath or shower, put on clothes fresh from the dryer, read a good book, call a friend, do some light stretching, listen to something uplifting. Breathe in deeply and remind yourself, that you did the hard thing and got through it.
Practice self-compassion: The holidays can be demanding. Which means that we especially need to practice self-compassion during this time. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, no matter what you are doing. I promise you, no one is intentionally trying to ruin their lives. We are all doing the best we can…even you. It’s okay to not be the best version of yourself. You are doing the best you can.
If you find yourself alone over the holidays: This could be a good time to refocus on you, your values, and your goals. Who says that you must wait till New Year’s to take stock and set goals? Why not start now? Maybe this is the time to start that project/hobby/activity that you have been putting off? Or maybe this is a great time to spoil yourself with some extended self-care (Massage, pedicure, and manicure, anyone?).
If you miss a loved one who is gone: Holidays without those we love are painful. Whether it’s a two legged or four legged loved one who is no longer with us, grief is grief. Planning something special to remember your loved one over the holidays can be a good way to deal with the grief that may accompany this time of year. Creating a memory-filled ornament, writing them a letter, or giving gifts in their honor are a few ways during the holidays to remember those we have lost.
Remember to have a support network that you can lean on: Trusted friends, family members, your church community, your grief support group, AA meetings or other addiction support networks, your prayer group, book club members, friends from games night, your neighbor…whatever that network looks like, remember to reach out to those that make you feel good, safe, and supported.
Check in on those that you know: Sometimes, we can manage our own distress by contributing to others, checking in on those we know and love to make sure they are coping well over the holidays. Reaching out to help others can also have the added benefit of making us feel better too.
Also, remember these local resources:
Distress Centre Calgary: 403 266 4357
Family Violence Info Line: 310 1818
Bullying Helpline: 310 1818
Child Intervention Crisis Unit: 1 800 638 0715
Mental Health Helpline: 1 877 303 2642
